insufferable

 

in the car

on our way

to the show,

 

whiskey in

cola bottles,

 

cocaine off

car keys,

 

and

 

a couple of

joints.

 

we stop to

piss

in a

fast food

restaurant

restroom.

 

we walk to

the end of

a long line,

 

we stand

and

shuffle

along like

cattle in a

beauty

contest.

 

we chew

our

small talk

like cud

while we

wait in

an april

that feels

like

an autumn.

wind sleets

our

eyes

into

slits

 

and

 

i am a

blue ribbon

bull.

 

badly

dressed,

poorly

postured

meat,

files into

worn

wooden

doors.

 

the opening

act is a rerun

of pretty girls

make graves.

 

at the bar i buy

two beers for

sixteen dollars.

 

the pixies play

b-sides from

doolittle before

playing the

album in its

entirety.

 

six beers and

fourty-eight

dollars later,

more cocaine

car keys. i

vomit in the

v.i.p. parking

lot of the

potawatomi

casino before

being told we

could not park

there and

could we

please move

our car?

 

sure thing

buddy, and

then

i’m playing

touch screen

slots, up fifty

dollars,

chewing

food court

food and

smoking

light cigarettes.

 

two o’clock car

ride, three a.m.

bedtime. i stare

into a dream of

a civilized me,

domesticated

and tame. i

awake however,

into my

insufferable self.

 

i stagger to shit,

shiver, smoke.

 

while running a

bath and vaguely

 

considering

suicide and

 

avoiding the

mirror,

 

i continue

to hit the

same

bottom,

 

but

 

it never

hits back…

 

it just

winks and

compliments

my style.